Teen Titans on Maury
by Animalgurl33
Summary: Ever wonder what would happen if the TeenTitans went on Maury? Who is the father? And why do Slade and Robin want to be Esmerelda. What will Batman think of his adopted son after this? 1st story my friend and I wrote together. Rated T just in case.
1. Chapter 1

LOL this started as a joke between my bff and I, but we decided to make it into a story. We do not own Teen Titans or Maury. We only own the plot! This is kinda an inside joke.

It was a sunny day on the set of Maury, and the Teen Titans were getting ready to go on. After a few minutes of preparation, the crowd started chanting Maury and it was the cue to start the show.

"Hello and welcome to Maury, today we have some very special guests. The Teen Titans." Maury said as the crowd cheered. He continued.

" Our first guest is Starfire." Wolf whistles were heard throughout the crowd, and a bird-a-rang flew through the crowd then it was very quiet.

"Hello. Thank you for allowing me to partake in this show." Starfire said.

"Now, I hear that you're pregnant." The crowd said Ohhhhhh. Starfire nodded.

"Now I also hear that you're not sure who the father is." Random statements were heard as well as more ohhhh's and gasps.

"How could you not know who the father is!" Someone from the crowd yelled.

"Well I've only been with Robin but-" Starfire was cut off by the crowd. A sign on a screen above the crowd said to gasp and cuss.

"You've been with that many guys!" Maury exclaimed. Starfire looked scared..

"One is a lot?"

"What would Robin say about this!" Meanwhile Robin was in a soundproof cage trying to break out. Starfire just sat there in shock.

"Ohhhh this doesn't look good, let's bring out Robin." Maury said. All of a sudden Robin comes out doing back flips with his bo-staff in his hand, ready to battle.

"Starfire! Are you alright!" Robin yelled. Starfire sat in a corner rocking, and murmuring.

"Robin take a seat and let's talk." Maury said.

"What Beep did you beep do to her!" Robin looked confused at the beeping sounds before adding

"I wasn't Cussing..."

"So Robin, how is your relationship with Starfire?"

"Well it's going great." Robin replied.

"But little does Robin know-" The narrator was cut off by Robin

"What! What's going on? What don't I know?" He said frantically.

"That his baby might not be his!" The narrator said. Robin had a shocked look frozen on his face, and Starfire still sat in the corner.

"Starfire... what's going on?" Robin asked.

"I've only been with you. Beep, beep, beep,beep." Starfire said. After she said you her mouth stopped moving while the beeping continued.

"What the beep is going on!" Robin yelled.

"I'll tell you what's going on, we'll bring out the potential fathers." Then some muscular men came out dragging Beast boy, and Slade. Then out walked Cyborg with a bucket of popcorn in his hands, who then sat down in the front row with Raven, who sat next to Batman. Batman didn't look too happy to see his adopted son on Maury. The look on Robin's face was priceless when he realized Batman was sitting in the front row.

"Daddy?" Robin squeaked. Batman just gave him the cold shoulder.

"Ohhhh burn!" Some of the crowd said. Robin glared at them before looking at Beast boy.

"You're dead to me."

"I don't even know why I'm here!" Beast boy said trying to defend himself.

"Ohhhh this is getting good!" Cyborg said while shoving popcorn in his mouth. Raven rolled her eyes and said

"Typical TV trash."

"Next we'll have the DNA testing, and lie detector test. Stay tuned!"

-Commercial break-

At Teen Titans East.

Mas e Menos were speechless.

"I can't believe she would do that!" Aqualad said breaking the silence.

"I know! She seemed so innocent." Speedy replied.

"I think the show is rigged." Bumblebee added.

"5 bucks says it's Beast boy's." Speedy said.

"5 bucks says it's Robin's" Bumblebee said.

"5 bucks says it's Slade's." Aqualad said. Everyone gave him a grossed out look.

"WHAT!" Aqualad said.

Now back to Maury.

"Now boys during the commercial you all had DNA tests and were hooked up to the lie detector." Maury said before adding

"And the father is not... Beast boy, or Slade."

"Yes! So it must be mine!" Robin exclaimed.

"The father is..."

Sorry if you think this story is bashing other characters. It was meant as a joke.

Animalgurl33: Well this was a test chapter, and I think it went pretty well.

Mosswind: Yup and if no one reviews we won't continue the story.

Animalgurl33: By the way this is out first story that we both wrote.

Mosswind: She did most of the work and I gave ideas, but it was hard since we don't live near each other.

Animalgurl33: Yup, and stay tuned for who the father is!

Mosswind: Please review!!


	2. Batman!

We do not own Teen Titans, only the plot and funniness.

"Previously on Maury, we were about to announce who the father was." Maury said to the crowd.

"And the father is...Rooooooobbbbb...CYBORG!!" Maury announced. Cyborg was currently shoving popcorn and soda in his mouth, but when he heard it ended up all over Batman.

"Grrr." Batman said before walking away. Robins eyes twitched before he yelled

"I'll kill you!!" The rest was all beeping

"And we're not thinking about thinking about our actions." Maury said while getting his bodyguards.

"Ohhh it's on tin man!" Robin yelled.

"I swear I didn't do it!" Cyborg yelled back. Just as Robin was about to attack Maury yelled

"Wait! There was a smudge!" Everyone froze.

"The real father is...Batman!" Just as he said that Batman himself walked in all cleaned up.

"What I heard my name?" Batman said. Robin looked like a sad little puppy before he said

"Daddy?"

"What?"

"HOW COULD YOU!"

"How could I what?" By this time Batman looked very confused.

"How could you impregnate my girlfriend!" Robin yelled.

"Well let's see what happens after this commercial break." Maury said .

Meanwhile with Batmans friends

"Ohhh he likes them young. Cradle robber!" Flash said.

"Does this mean Wonder Woman is too old?" Superman asked. Then there was a huge explosion and the all that was heard afterwards was

"Oh crap!!" by the men. No survivors have been found yet.

Back with Maury

"I didn't do anything!" Batman said to Maury while robin was in metal restraints.

"The baby will turn out...weird!" After he said that Robin busts out of the restraints and runs to attack Batman.

"Wait! There was another smudge!" Maury said. Everyone froze again.

"The real father is Slade." Everyone gasped. Cyborg stood up and threw his popcorn which happened to hit Batman, and he said

"How dare you mess with my little sister!"

"How dare you mess with my girlfriend!" Robin yelled.

"Yeah what Cyborg said!" Beast boy said.

"I'm mad at Beast Boy but I'll take it out on you!" Raven said.

"Huh? What's going o-" But he was cut off by the attacks from the Teen Titans. Maury was safe backstage. Then he held up a sign on the screen that said 'I was only kidding.' The entire audience started to laugh.

After he got everyone calmed down and announced Robin was the father, Maury had an announcement.

"Well since no one here seems to get along, we're going to have a bonding experience." Everyone gave him a blank look.

"We are doing a French play called Notre Dame de Taris." Only Raven knew what this play was, and she had an evil smile.

'This should be interesting.' Raven thought as Maury explained the play to them.


	3. IMPORTANT!

Hey everyone! I'm really sorry I've been lazy and haven't updated lately. I've been really busy but plan to catch up on all my stories this weekend. School has been a nightmare, I have like 2 tests a week UGH! So sorry again, and I **WILL** post a new chap very soon! Thanks for being patient!

* * *


	4. Twinkie!

"What the crap are you laughing at Raven?" Beast boy asked.

"Hehe you'll see." Raven said with an evil smirk.

"Are you guys excited about our bonding experience slash musical" Maury asked.

"No!" Everyone said except one.

"I am." Raven said.

"Oh my gosh! Raven is actually excited about something!!" Beast boy said before fainting.

The crowd gasped, then went 'Awww' and Raven glared at them, so they laughed at Beast boy.

"Oh and by the way Robin, the baby is yours." Maury said quickly. Everyone got whiplash from turning their heads and they all had to make a trip to the hospital! Yay!

-----Commercial-----

" Give me my doughnuts!" Batmen yelled.

"You shall never see your precious doughnuts again!" Joker yelled holding a doughnut above a cup of coffee.

"Nooooo!" Batman yelled as he threw his bat-a-rang and successfully got his doughnut back. Then there's a close up on the coffee.

"This was brought to you by STARBUCKS." Joker said before getting tied up and hauled to jail.

(We do not own starbucks or any of the characters.)

-----Back to Maury-----

"Now you all must sing a song so we can see what part you will get. As it turns out, you don't get to choose the song!" Maury said. Everyone groaned.

"Robin you will have to sing Too Sexy!" Robins face got red and everyone laughed.

"Beast boy will sing Fergalicious." Once again everyone laughed.

"Starfire will sing Every time we touch." Lets just say that people were jealous since she got a normal song.

"Cyborg will sing Mr. Rebato." Snickers.

"Slade will sing Milkshakes." Maury had a hard time keeping a strait face. Everyone else burst into laughter.

"What you know it's true. Robin can't stop staring." Slade realized what he said and quickly 'corrected' himself.

"I mean that robin in the window, that bird." Slade said quickly. Everyone looked very awkward and backed away.

"Robin why are you staring at Slade's milkshake? Are you hungry?" Starfire asked. Robin's face got red and Slade backed away while holding a chocolate milkshake.

"Mine!" Slade hissed.

"Anyway! Raven will be singing You are my sunshine." Nobody laughed for fear of dying.

"Now who wants to sing first!" Maury asked the chirping crowd.

"Why thank you for volunteering Beast Boy!" Maury said to a stunned Beast Boy.

"But I didn't say anything!" He replied. No one seemed to care, and started walking toward the auditorium that is hidden in the Maury building. Beast Boy got on stage and the music started.

Fergalicious definition make them boys go loco  
They want my treasure so they get their pleasures from my photo.  
You could see me, you can't squeeze me.  
I ain't easy, I ain't sleazy.  
I got reasons why I tease 'em.  
Boys just come and go like seasons.

"Okay stop! Stop! My ears! My ears!" Maury yelled while rocking in a corner.

"Your just jealous! Stop trying to ruin my dream!" Beast Boy yelled back. He then ran into the bathroom crying.

"Slade should go next!" Cyborg said. Everyone cringed. He said Yay and skipped up to the stage. Slade stared directly at Robin and started singing.

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard,  
And they're like  
It's better than yours,  
Damn right it's better than yours,  
I can teach you,  
But I have to charge

I know you want it,  
The thing that makes me,  
What the guys go crazy for.  
They lose their minds,  
The way I wind,  
I think its time  
La la-la la la,  
Warm it up.  
Lala-lalala,  
The boys are waiting-

"Stop! We'll have no more viewers after this!" as Maury said this he began to shake uncontrollably. As Slade began to come off the stage, Starfire asked him,

"Slade, why do milk beverages make boys come to your house?" Slade gave a little smirk and put his arm around Starfire's shoulders.

"Why don't I show you," laughed Slade until Robin, in a furious rage, began yelling,

"YOU SICK PERVERT!! GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY...."

"Robin! Thanks for volunteering to go next!" smiled Maury as a very angry Robin stomped up to the stage.

I'm too sexy for my love too sexy for my love  
Love's going to leave me  
I'm too sexy for my shirt too sexy for my shirt  
So sexy it hurts  
And I'm too sexy for Milan too sexy for Milan  
New York and Japan

And I'm too sexy for your party  
Too sexy for your party  
No way I'm disco dancing

I'm a model you know what I mean  
And I do my little turn on the catwalk  
Yeah on the catwalk on the catwalk yeah  
I do my little turn on the catwalk

I'm too sexy for my car too sexy for my car  
Too sexy by far  
And I'm too sexy for my hat  
Too sexy for my hat what do you think about that

"Okay that's enough, or Slade's going to go up there and kidnap you!" Maury said while Slade wiped drool off his mouth. Starfire wiped Slade's drool off her face because he was leaning on her.

"Robin is too sexy..." Slade said in a dreamy manner. Starfire looked at him like he was creepy.

"You do know that everyone can hear you," said Starfire still very freaked out, " and Robin is mine! You need to do the backing off!" Robin laughed at a very scared Slade and a very angry, green-glowing-eyed Starfire.

"Next victim...er I mean audition," Maury said with an unusually bright smile.

"Why not stay with the boy theme, Cyborg is next."

"Haha you broke the boy theme when you picked Slade!" Robin scoffed. Everyone busted out laughing...except Slade who continued staring at Robin. After the laughter died down Cyborg made his way onto the stage.

Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto,  
Mata ah-oo hima de  
Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto,  
Himitsu wo shiri tai

You're wondering who I am-machine or mannequin  
With parts made in Japan, I am the modern man

I've got a secret I've been hiding under my skin  
My heart is human, my blood is boiling, my brain I.B.M.  
So if you see me acting strangely, don't be surprisedI'm just a man who needed someone, and somewhere to hide  
To keep me alive-just keep me alive  
Somewhere to hide to keep me alive

I'm not a robot without emotions-I'm not what you see  
I've come to help you with your problems, so we can be free  
I'm not a hero, I'm not a savior, forget what you know  
I'm just a man whose circumstances went beyond his control  
Beyond my control-we all need control  
I need control-we all need control.

"Okay! That's enough!" Maury said.

"Stereotypical!" murmured Cyborg walking off the stage.

The remaining girl titans, who had not sang yet, waited in misery until they would be forced to sing.

"Well since we've had our quota of commercials, we will end the show here. Tune in for the next show, where the girls will audition." Maury said while Slade started stalking and following him. Maury turned around.

"Why are you following me? I thought you loved Robin." Maury pointed out.

"I want the Twinkie in your pocket! And I will get him someday- er I mean...GIVE ME THE TWINKIE!" Slade yelled as he tackled Maury to get the Twinkie.

"That looks wrong...but I'm glad it's not me!" Robin said as he put his arm around Starfire.

Me: OMG! You should have seen the two of us writing this story together. So funny...

Mosswind: LOL!! But we got so distracted while writing this story it took us a while to get at least two pages in!

Me: Yep. Plus we hardly EVER get to hang out it took forever to get a day where we both were free. So thanks for reading!

Mosswind: The first person to review gets Slade's Twinkie!

Slade: HEY!!

Me: That could be taken the wrong way....


	5. Only five fish?

The crazy duo is finally back! Yay! :D thanks to everyone who patiently waited for us to get off our lazy butts and finish this dang thing lol. We do not own any of the characters or Maury only the insanity about to ensue.

"Thank you all for tuning in to this exciting new episode of Teen Titans on Maury!" Maury said as he strode up to the stage. The audience enthusiastically cheered.

"Now for the final auditions!" more cheering from the crowd. Raven glowered while Starfire sipped a bottle of mustard next to Robin. And Slade stared creepily at Robin in a way only a pedophile villain can do.

"Now then who will go first? Starfire or Raven?" The audience chanted but Maury interrupted.

"After this commercial break!"

"What!" an audience member yelled "it just started!"

"Well" Maury said " Beep beep beep beep beeeeeeep." Maury stopped talking and glared at the man in control of the beeper button.

"As I was saying.. Beeeeeep!" More glares at the beep man. A bat-a-rang suddenly shot out and hit him in the head.

"Thank you Batman" The camera panned towards Batman as he stoically said nothing.

"Now then, the reason we have so many commercials is because Teen Titans is a brand name…and I want money.. I mean…no yeah I just want money and sponsors…. I have a dark secret…I have a plastic spoon obsession….now on to commercials!" Maury finished with a flourish. The crowd stared in shock at his confession.

-commercial- meow meow meow!

The commercial started with a lawyer looking women walking across a beach with a cop.

"Pedophiles are a very real and scary part of our world." She and the cop stopped in front of Titans Tower.

"They even creep on none other than…" The camera zoomed in on her face "the Teen Titans." Dramatic music played in the background.

"What we are about to show may not be suitable for children viewers have been warned." The cop said.

"Now we have some very sensitive security footage from Titan Tower. Please roll the film." The lawyer said. A black and white video began to play across the screen.

Slade somehow broke into Titans Tower and began tip toeing across the room. The screen cut to Robin's room. Slade began rummaging through his room until he found an old cape. He squealed and greedily began sniffing it. It then cut to Slade wearing Robin's uniform and rubbing boots over his face.

"We hope what have just showed tonight makes you realize the dangers of pedophiles. Thank you."

-Maury-

There was an awkward silence in the audience.

"I….am SOOOO kicked out of the supervillian club…" Slade muttered as he slid down in his chair.

"I…really don't know what to say about this…" Maury rubbed the back of his head and backed away.

"And they didn't even show him trying on Starfire's clothes…" Maury muttered.

"What!" Slade yelled.

"Nothing! Moving on!"

"Why would Slade be wearing my clothes?" Starfire asked.

"Nothing Star." Robin said and held her hand.

"I wish I could be Starfire.." Slade sighed. Everyone turned to him.

"Crap! Did I say that out loud? I mean…umm…uh…yeah I have no good excuse for this one…" Slade then threw a smoke bomb onto the ground and disappeared.

"Where the crap did he go!" Maury yelled "Security! There's a pedophile on the loose!" The security team dispatched…but not the rookie who just turned 18...

"Wait!" One of the security officers yelled "We can use the rookie as bait to lure him out!"

"No!" The chief of police yelled "I don't want to lose another guy! Not again…not like this.." The camera zoomed in on his face, which had a distant look.

"Okay then while they look for Slade let's finish auditions!" Starfire and Raven exchanged looks at Maury's words.

"Now how about Raven…" Raven's eyes turned blood red as she glared deadly at him.

"I mean..um.. Starfire! She can go first!" Maury quickly corrected.

"Yay!" Stafire flew to the stage and began her audition.

She only got through the first few lines when Maury cut her off.

"That…was…beautiful!" Maury sniffled. The audience then gave her a standing ovation. Starfire smiled and flew back to her boyfriend.

"Now, it's Raven!" The temperature went down at least ten degrees. Raven glared and got up.

"You are my sunshine..: She mumbled. The rest was inaudible as she mumbled the rest of the song.

"Beautiful!" Maury clapped. Raven gave another deadly glare at Maury who shivered. She sulked back to her seat and crossed her arms.

"Now we will introduce a guest judge!" Maury announced.

"Wait what? A guest judge?" Cyborg asked confused.

"Simon Cal!" Maury waved his arm as Simon walked onto the stage.

"I hate you all!" Simon waved and smiled at the cheering crowd.

"And another Judge! Frollo!" Maury yelled. The crowd had mixed reactions since nobody really knew who that was.

A man in a fancy purple priest robe came walking out. The look on his face was a mixture of constipation, arrogance, and pure hatred. He sniffed and continued walking.

"Careful you might get a nosebleed with your nose that high." Beast Boy scoffed.

"So who is the girl dressed like a slut?" Frollo asked disdainfully. Robin then looked like he was about to commit murder.

"Wait which one?" Maury asked "We have an audience with teenage girls in it…." The crowed ooohhh'd and booed at the same time.

"The one in the purple." He replied. A bird-a-rang then smack him in the head knocking him unconscious.

"What does slut mean Robin? Is it a good thing?" Starfire questioned.

"For guys it is!" An audience member yelled out. Robin glared at him and pulled Starfire away in an attempt to explain the word slut.

"Well….While we wait for the medics for Frollo and get Starfire into more.." Maury glanced at a glaring Robin.

"comfy clothes.. Here is a commercial."

-commercial- Moo Moo Moo Moo

"This commercial is brought to you by Beast Boy's superhero dating services. Are you tired of your super ex girlfriend throwing your stuff to the moon? Or your boyfriend shape shifting and leaving? Or having to go do 'Business' On Krypton and NEVER returning your calls-""Lois! What did I say about ranting on the commercials!" The producer yelled.

"Sorry! Well then you need Beast Boy's superhero dating site! It matches you based on power, background, good or evil, and personality. So come on down and check it out and see who your perfect match is."

-Maury-

"Well since mostly everyone is trying to kill each other I think we'll call it wraps. Tune for the next new episode of Teen Titans on Maury! When we will begin play rehearsal!" Maury exclaimed. The camera panned out to a scene of total chaos and the stage was on fire.

Me: Thanks everyone for being patient!

Mosswind: Sorry it took us so long.

Me: that's what he said…

Mosswind: …really?

Me: Yeah :P

Mosswind: Well maybe I didn't want a perverted joke!Me: well maybe I don't care!

Mosswind: Well then maybe I'll just smack with the five fish my boyfriend caught.

Me: He only caught five?

Mosswind: Yeah I know right?

Me: Anyway… Thanks for reading! Please review!

Mosswind: Or we will sick Frollo and Slade on you!

Me: Yeah!


End file.
